What
movie showcasing Max von Sydow, Timothy Dalton, and Brian Blessed, and
featuring music from Queen, turned
out to be a dud? Answer: Flash
Gordon.
It
was a blast to see this movie again recently, and by coincidence, some scenes
of it are apparently featured in the current movie Ted, about a raunchy teddy bear.
I don’t think I’ll bring myself to see Ted, but Flash Gordon bears
remarking on.
This
1980 movie was known for its exercise in high kitsch, with elaborate makeup and
costumes the likes of which probably haven’t been seen in a major movie until The Hunger Games. The kitschiness and the background numbers
from Queen have made this a cult
classic, but any unbiased viewing of the movie reveals its slow plot and
forgettable dialog.
What
went wrong? After all, Flash Gordon had fantastic supporting
talent from skilled foreign actors. Max
von Sydow (who first became famous to Americans by playing Jesus in The Greatest Story Ever Told) shows
steely resolve as Ming the Merciless (I only recognized him from his voice, the
makeup was so eerily reminiscent of earlier treatments of the character.) You couldn’t ask for a better Ming.
Brian
Blessed (who did a fantastic job playing Caesar Augustus in I, Claudius) is the deep-throated Prince
Vultan of the Hawkmen. He never for a
second looks like he thinks he’s wearing cheesy wings, but completely throws
himself into the part. Who can forget
his yelling “Dive!” as he leads the charge of the Hawkmen?
Timothy
Dalton plays Prince Barin of the forest people in Arboria. So help me, he brings depth to this
kitschfest. That’s right, I said depth.
Whether he’s strutting around with a sword, cracking a whip, or giving a
stirring speech, he has all the air of starring in a Shakespearean
production. (That’s a hint to you actors
who get stuck in something that’s less than stellar. Act like it’s the best production the world
has ever seen, and hope you get spotted.)
But
again, what went wrong? The movie has a
hollow center. The fellow who played
Flash (whom I won’t name, since this blog does not flame people) had his main
claim to fame from posing in Playgirl. You can guess what level of acting he
brought. The actress who played Dale
Arden wasn’t impressive either. In
contrast, the Italian actress Ornella Muti was much more effective as the evil
Princess Aura.
So
why did these fine foreign actors sign on?
My proposed answer has two words:
Star Wars. The first Star
Wars movie came out in 1977. It was
a raging success, and it featured that heavyweight British actor Sir Alec
Guinness to give it depth. Also, Peter
Cushing played a fantastic villain. I
imagine the pitch was that Flash Gordon would
be the next Star Wars: We’re going to spend X amount of money on
sets, costumes, and music, and any of you foreign actors could be the next
Obi-Wan Kenobi.
Once
one of them signed on—let’s choose Max—they could say, “We have Max von
Sydow! You know it’ll be a quality
production.” Eh, not so much.
Well,
I’m glad Max von Sydow went on to get pretty much any part he felt
like—I especially enjoyed him as Dr. Kynes in the 1984 version of Dune.
Brian Blessed is known for playing bombastic kings in various
incarnations of The Black Adder, but
I remember him most as Duke Exeter in Henry
V. And Timothy Dalton went on to be
my favorite James Bond, much more down-to-earth than Sean or Roger.
So
Flash
Gordon is not everyone’s cup of tea.
Watch a few excerpts on YouTube, to see some great actors in yummy
costumes.
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