A
family member passed away recently. Since we’re Japanese, members of the
extended family gave us koden—gifts of money to help with the cost of the
funeral.
An
excellent article on how this is practiced in Japan is in this blog post I
happened to find.
The
ritual practices described in that post are not really done here in America.
Surprisingly, stamps are involved.
Not
really the stamp that was used, but I like it
Here
in America, relatives use normal sympathy cards, and we prepare very
ordinary-looking thank you cards in return. As was noted in the post linked to
above, a small gift is given in return for the koden. This accidentally led to
an argument over the phone.
ME:
We’ll need X amount of stamps for the thank you cards.
OTHER
PERSON: Okay, I’ll get X books of stamps.
ME:
No, just X amount of stamps.
OTHER
PERSON: So I’ll get X books of stamps from the post office.
ME:
Why would you get entire books of stamps? You just need X stamps to mail out
the cards!
This
went on for a while. Then, because of my limited knowledge of koden, I was able
to make a guess.
ME:
You mean you give out a book of stamps to each person who gave koden?
OTHER
PERSON: Yes. Some people give half a book of stamps. I give a whole book.
So
apparently giving out a book of stamps (or half a book) is a normal gift in
return for koden money among Japanese-Americans. I’m not sure to what extent
the koden tradition will continue in my generation, but the gifts back will be
equally American in nature.
