Just Plain FUNNY

A German newscast tried to show the seal of the US Navy Seals, which took out Osama bin Laden.  Instead, they mistakenly showed a fan-created Star Trek seal for the fictional Maquis freedom fighters!

(Notice the eagle, phaser, and trident on top.)  I could easily find the real symbol for the US Navy Seals online on my first try.  How many different kinds of stupid is this news station?

Volcano Dream

I had a dream last night.  I strongly recommend that all of you write down your dreams.  This one was the result of childhood memories of a book on snakes, discussions on the Greek language, my posting excerpts from my historical fantasy manuscripts, the name Cruz coming up at work, and the recent anniversary of the Mount St. Helens eruption.

Photo by kballard

             We were washed up on a Pacific island.  A blonde girl was caught by a boa constrictor in the jungle.  I shot it with a handgun. 

              Another guy dragged her free.  The boa was still alive, still dangerous.  The other guy and I used sticks to drag it from the trees.  The thickest part was half as big as a telephone pole.  I shot it in the head. 

              The scene shifted.  I was on a soccer field, watching a church youth group.  They were playing a game similar to soccer, but they were using their hands instead of their feet to pass around a ball about the size of a handball.  It looked complicated, so I decided not to participate. 

              I sat in the backseat of my car, writing more on a historical fantasy manuscript, set in Greek mythology.  After a while, I noticed Tom Cruise was watching me through the back window.  I set aside the manuscript and lugged a huge reference book on either the ancient Greek language or ancient Greek mythology from the floor of the car onto the backseat and opened it.  He watched, fascinated, as I looked something up. 

              Tom Cruise was so intrigued, he opened up the back window, as if that part of it had a mini-hatchback design.  While I was looking at him, I saw a massive gray column rise in the distance.  I realized a volcano was erupting.  Gray ash began raining down, and some of it floated into the car.  I pointed out to him what was happening, but he was so drawn to my studies, he was oblivious. 

              I woke up.  I felt my body trembling, so I assumed a minor earthquake was going on, and that had influenced the last part of my dream.  It was so convincing, I originally titled this dream, “Earthquake Dream.”  I now have to conclude I was shivering.  So maybe that caused the volcanic eruption to intrude.  

The End of the World . . . Again

Harold Camping and his nutcase followers are predicting that Jesus will return this Saturday, May 21, 2011.  At first they said he would return at 6:00 pm.  Then they recently changed their minds and said it will be 7:00 pm, to adjust for Daylight Savings Time.  

The Last Judgment, by Michelangelo  

Camping is the author of the book 1994, which predicted the world would end that year.  (He was wrong.)  This sort of nonsense is extremely offensive to Christians, especially since Camping told his followers to flee the churches.  After the day and the hour pass, I'll shave my beard off to celebrate my still being on earth.  

Michelangelo's The Last Judgment is one of the few portrayals a of a beardless Christ.  The saved are on his right hand, the damned on the left.  Wonder which side Camping will be on?  

What's hilarious is the Terminator movies, which I never watched, have robots wiping out mankind on April 21, 2011.  So they were a month early.  In a later post, I'll review the TV series Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles. 

Mary Robinette Kowal

At Norwescon, Mary Robinette Kowal gave many tips on how to read a manuscript in public.  Her website gives many more tips, if you click on Fiction, then Reading Aloud. If you want something practical, this is it.  Also, it has fun stuff on puppetry, which is her day job. 

 © 2010 Annaliese Moyer

Three of her tips apply to public speaking in general: 

1) A good public reading speed is 150 words per minute.  Pick a passage that has 150 words.  Use a timepiece with a second hand to time yourself.  You might be surprised at how fast you read.  Practice this speed, and you’ll be able to maintain it in public. 

2) Pick someone at the back of the room, and think that you are speaking to that person during the reading.  It’s normal for a reader to speak to the people in the front rows, and the voice then comes out too quiet.  Everyone needs to hear, so aim for the people in the back. 

     In a different context, the actor Michael Caine said that when he was doing live stage plays, the director told him there was someone sitting in the back of the auditorium who had paid to see the play, and he deserved to hear the dialog just as much as someone sitting in the front row. 

Photo: Harry Wad

3) Americans tend to speak from the middle of the mouth.  If you speak from the back of the mouth, you can sound vaguely Russian:  Open your throat as if yawning, then keep speaking from back there without putting on a Russian accent, and you’ll find the result surprising.  (Although when I try it, I sound vaguely drunk, which may not contradict what she said.)  If you speak from the front of your mouth, you will sound vaguely European (I suppose she meant Western European), without trying to put on a British accent.  

Middle School Play

Sara Loudon, a friend of mine, teaches English, Literature, and History at Covenant Christian Middle School.  About every quarter, the students put on a play.  This quarter was for Medieval history.  (See her below in period dress.) 

The production was impressive, as usual.  All the students stood and recited massive amounts of material from memory.  All of them had parts to play among the abridged versions of the works performed:  A Midsummer Night’s Dream, As You Like It, Macbeth, and Hamlet.  The scenes from Macbeth in particular were performed with imagination and passion.  This is an excellent school:  Everyone participates, everyone learns to stand and deliver.  

King James Version

Today, May 2, 2011, is the 400th anniversary of the King James Version of the Bible.  It's influence on the English language has been immeasurable.  Below is a sample.

Psalm 149

Praise ye the Lord. 

Sing unto the Lord a new song, 

   and his praise in the congregation of saints.

Let Israel rejoice in him that made him: 

   let the children of Zion be joyful in their King.

Let them praise his name in the dance: 

   let them sing praises unto him with the timbrel and harp.

For the Lord taketh pleasure in his people: 

   he will beautify the meek with salvation.

Let the saints be joyful in glory: 

   let them sing aloud upon their beds.

Let the high praises of God be in their mouth, 

   and a two-edged sword in their hand;

To execute vengeance upon the heathen, 

   and punishments upon the people;

To bind their kings with chains, 

   and their nobles with fetters of iron;

To execute upon them the judgment written: 

   this honour have all his saints. 

Praise ye the Lord.