Best Zombie Jane Austen Movie Ever

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies is what it sounds like, and more. About the first fifteen minutes consists of slapping together scenes of zombies with Pride and Prejudice. Then the movie becomes much more serious, integrating those two disparate elements together into a satisfying storyline.

If you like the video above, you’ll like the movie, if you don’t like it, don’t see the movie. Surprisingly, it pretty much follows the story of Lizzy and Mr. Darcy, but with zombies integrated. For instance, Jane takes sick on her way to Mr. Bingley’s not just because of a rainstorm, but because she is too shocked to defend herself from a zombie mother and baby, saying, “This cannot be.” And there is a deeply moving scene as Lizzy reads a letter from Darcy, and she has to reconsider who is truly guilty of pride and prejudice.

Standout scenes include Lizzy leading her sisters in a wedge attack against zombies at a dance, Darcy beating back zombies from the great wall around London, Matt Smith (a former Doctor Who) as the delightfully dimwitted Parson Collins, and a rather surprising Lady Catherine de Burgh.

If you like alternate versions of Pride and Prejudice, there is the best science fiction Jane Austen movie, the 2008 Lost in Austen.

Or there is the fundamentally wacky web series, the Lizzie Bennett Diaries.

Short Takes on Short Stories

I don’t normally review short stories, but the current issue of Analog (March 2016) features the excellent “The Coward’s Option” by Adam-Troy Castro. This is an Andrea Cort story, but it works well for a reader who hasn’t read the previous stories. Cort is a total misanthrope, and her Diplomatic Corps finds her cynical, unrelenting pursuit of justice useful in her job as a prosecutor.

Cort cares nothing about the perpetrator in this case, who obviously deserves death for his murder of an indigenous person on this alien planet. What intrigues her is these aliens have a “coward’s option” as an alternative to the death penalty. Since this society despises cowards, she wonders if this alternative is worse than death. If you read this issue of Analog, you’ll find out.

I’m also making my way through Worst Contact, edited by Hank Davis. Obviously a riff on “first contact,” these short stories tell of first contacts between humans and extraterrestrials that go bad for the humans, the extraterrestrials, or both. My favorite is an old one, “Puppet Show” by Fredric Brown, written in 1962. If you ignore some of the dated details, it’s quite hilarious.

Also worthy of mention is “The Flat-Eyed Monster” by William Tenn, written in 1955, which is almost as funny. It concerns a professor who is transported to a planet of aliens with bulbous eyes at the ends of their multiple tentacles, who finds out they can be as boastful and egotistical as humans. There’s also “Early Model” by Robert Sheckley, written in 1956, about an astronaut whose personal force field keeps snapping on automatically when aliens try to approach and make friendly contact with him.

Despite the above, not all the stories are old, and not all of them are funny (but the older ones tend to be so). So Worst Contact contains a generous amount of older stories, mixed with some newer ones.

The short story among those I’ve read recently that I recommend the most highly is the original version of Ender’s Game, by Orson Scott Card. (It’s not in Worst Contact or the Analog issue I mentioned above. It appeared in the 1977 issue of Analog, and it’s up to you to find it online.)

For those of you who have read the novel or seen the movie (which I reviewed here), the original novella is notably different. Don’t worry, it’s the same plot. But the original starts with Ender already a hardened commander, and he meets his subordinate Bean, who is quite cocky. Also, Maezr Rackham’s first encounter with Ender is quite violent.

The twist ending is still there, but it is different. You’ll have to read it to find out why Ender is so inconsolable. If you do, you may get the same reaction I did when I told a couple of people who read the novel. They disagreed with me, one of them strenuously, about how the original ended.

Idiot Hits Empire State Building with Drone

Someone hit the Empire State Building with a drone. Let’s all agree it was an accident. But then the guy went to security there to get his drone back. He was arrested.

photo by S J Pinkney 

If you hit something like the Empire State Building, don’t be stupid enough to go up to the security guards and ask for it.

A more skillful drone operator buzzed the Space Needle without hitting it (still not legal), as I recounted in this previous post. 

Movie Review of 13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi

13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi recounts how a team of six CIA contractors attempted to rescue the American ambassador and his few American and Libyan defenders when terrorists attacked him in Benghazi in 2012. With terrorists overrunning the diplomatic compound and engaging them in firefights in the streets, the contractors realize they have to go defend their own CIA compound, which gets pounded by wave after wave of attacks.

Director Michael Bay has achieved a “you are there” feel, giving the uncanny impression of actually being there in Benghazi. One can imagine the smells and the oppressive heat in this chaotic north African city. The dangers of this failed state are all around these contractors, with different factions setting up roadblocks in ramshackle alleys and shooting people in seemingly random fashion. As they pass armed men in the street, it is not at all clear who are the bad guys and who are people just wanting to defend themselves.

Bay has achieved a mostly unbloody movie (until the end), taking advantage of the action occurring at night and showing the firefights from the view of the night vision devices the Americans use. So although we definitely see terrorists (or Tangos, as they are called) getting shot in the head or in the chest, the depictions are non-gory.

Standout moments are:

-A few kids setting off a bottle rocket near the CIA compound, then later on the terrorists heading for that exact point as they gather to attack.

-CIA diplomats and the station chief acting like fussy office workers while the contractors try to save their lives.

-The most terrifying car chase I’ve ever seen. Remember to yell “Go left” at a certain moment.

-In a surreal scene, a terrorist drives right up to the wall of the CIA compound between firefights. He gets out and prepares to throw a homemade bomb. One of the contractors calmly says, “Don’t do that.”

-More than once, Libyans armed with military rifles pass the Americans on the street. The Americans say, “Who are you?” The Libyans do not answer and keep walking.

I’ve never watched The Office much, but fans of John Krasinski will see he’s made the transition from TV comedy to action movie. And in a surprise, David Giuntoli, the star of GRIMM, shows up as the main bodyguard of the ambassador with important scenes.

13 Hours is based on the book of the same name, which in turn was based on detailed interviews with the survivors. Some people (including some who have not seen the movie) accuse it of being political, but President Obama and Hillary Clinton are never mentioned. This is an incredible true story that should be widely seen. 

NASA: Frequent travel may be required

NASA is now accepting applications for astronauts. You might fly in the International Space Station, two currently unnamed spacecraft being built, or the Orion deep-space exploration vehicle.

“Frequent travel may be required.”

NASA

Apply at https://www.usajobs.gov/GetJob/ViewDetails/423817000

“Distant and near visual acuity must be correctable to 20/20, each eye. The use of glasses is acceptable.”

Hey what? An astronaut with glasses?

Alan Rickman, RIP

Well, what shall we say about Alan Rickman? I loved his deep, British voice that could intimidate so authoritatively. Ironically, he played his character in the science fiction movie Galaxy Quest in a different way. As a washed-up actor who is sick of the alien role he once played in a TV show, he mostly sounds like an ordinary person.

By Grabthar’s hammer, I could listen to his voice all day. 

Mao the Mighty Have Fallen

If you don’t live in inland China, you may not have heard of the mighty 37 meter-high statue of Mao Zedong, dictator of China from 1949 to 1976. This Brobdingnagian exercise in despot worship towered over the landscape, a veritable colossus in gold (well, gold paint).

Art by Zhang Zhenshi

All the photographs of the statue are copyright,

so here’s the real guy

It took nine months to build. And only a few days to tear down. The official reason had to do with permits, but do current dictators really like monuments to previous ones?

This reminds me of the poem “Ozymandias” by Percy Bysshe Shelley:

I met a traveller from an antique land

Who said: “Two vast and trunkless legs of stone

Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,

Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,

And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,

Tell that its sculptor well those passions read

Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,

The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed:

And on the pedestal these words appear:

‘My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:

Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!’

Nothing beside remains. Round the decay

Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare

The lone and level sands stretch far away.”

Pitch Perfect Ruins Star Wars

More specifically, The Empire Strikes Back. This is for all of you who are amped up over Star Wars.

Without trying to spoil things, in that movie where the kid sees dead people, I realized what was going on way too soon, so the ending was not a surprise to me. Shrug. 

Twilight Bad Lip Reading

In celebration of the new Star Wars movie, I was going to post a bad lip reading of Episode IV. But it wasn’t funny. So instead, here’s the bad lip reading of Twilight.

“Dude. You slapped a fish.”