Two-Sentence Movie Summaries

I don’t remember who came up with the idea of two-sentence movie summaries that are both accurate and sardonic. Here is my take on this concept.

The Last Samurai: An American soldier decides Japan is more spiritual than America. So he joins a rebellion against the emperor.

The Wizard of Oz: Trying to get home from Oz, Dorothy almost dies on a mission to steal a witch’s broom. Then she finds out she only had to click her heels.

While You Were Sleeping: A woman pretends to be the fiancée of a man in a coma. After he wakes up, she leaves him at the altar and marries his brother instead.

Aliens: A platoon of Colonial Marines gets wiped out fighting the monstrous aliens. Ripley emerges triumphant by using a forklift.

Saving Private Ryan: A small group of soldiers goes behind enemy lines in World War II to retrieve Ryan, whose brothers have all been killed in the war. He decides not to go with them.

Titanic: A couple falls in love on the RMS Titanic. The ship sinks.

Pride and Prejudice (1995): Lizzy must decide who is truly guilty of pride and prejudice as she contemplates the seemingly hardhearted Mr. Darcy. When she sees him wet after a swim, she takes off.

Shane: The gunslinger Shane hangs up his guns to live a peaceful life with a family, including a little boy. He shoots a couple men to death in front of the boy.

The Lord of the Rings: Frodo must destroy the great ring of power to save Middle Earth. He claims the ring for himself, but his finger is bitten off, so happy ending.

Romeo and Juliet (1968): Although their families are literally feuding with each other, Romeo and Juliet decide to marry for love. They both die.