Dolly the Vampire Slayer—Reprise

Dolly Parton has been in the news a lot recently. In October, the State Department granted her the 2024 PEACE Through Music Award. Then in November, she was #1 in Billboard’s 100 Greatest County Artists of All Time.

This gives me enough reason to reprise my 2020 post, Dolly the Vampire Slayer.

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Or this could be called “Slay Belle.” So this is the convergence between Dolly Parton, country music star, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Dolly Parton rocketed to fame with her hit song “9 to 5,” which was the centerpiece of the 1980 movie of the same name. She became famous not only as a country singer, but as a symbol of what nowadays is called female empowerment.

Then there is Buffy the Vampire Slayer. This is the TV series that jumpstarted the subgenre knows as urban fantasy. Were there some urban fantasy novels before Buffy? Sure. But it was the Buffy series that made urban fantasy an overwhelming subgenre in novels, movies, and TV shows.

So how did that happen? It turns out Dolly Parton was an uncredited producer of the original movie Buffy the Vampire Slayer. That’s right. And Dolly’s company financed the TV series. It was Dolly Parton behind it all the time! 

 photo by Eva Rinaldi

But what if Dolly hadn’t done that? See my post What if Buffy had Never Been? to see how life as we know it would be different. Meanwhile, you can see every season opening for Buffy below, including the musical episode.

Then you’ll definitely want to see my post Buffy the Vinyl Slayer.

Book and Movie Reviews—New Style

In the past, I’ve said this is not a negative blog. I’ve tried to avoid making negative comments on books and movies. This has prevented me from reviewing some books, because to be honest I would have had to say some negative things. From now on I’m going to give the sort of reviews one might read in magazines, which discuss both strengths and weaknesses.

Also, I’m not going to give a SPOILER alert anymore. Obviously, I will not try to spoil a book or movie for anyone. But the reader should be able to sense that the farther one reads a review, the more that might be revealed.

So this is still not a negative blog. But the style will change to be more in conformity with professional reviews.

photo by Christian Bohr

TV Review: The Ark

A sleeper ship containing dozens of people in suspended animation has a violent impact just one year short of the planet they were sent to colonize. The entire command staff was wiped out in the impact. But that is just the beginning of their problems. They only have four weeks’ worth of water. They have six weeks’ worth of food.

Lieutenant Sharon Garnet (Christie Burke) takes command. Everyone on board is an expert in something: science, engineering, etc. She assigns some of the crew to retrofit the water recycling unit meant for the colony. This is no easy task: The right equipment has to be scavenged. An attempt is made to grow food in a cargo bay. But the power requirements for the lights can impinge on the search for equipment. Always, somebody disagrees with her decisions.

There are so many problems with the premier episode of The Ark. I don’t consider anything that follows to be a spoiler. When the crew wakes up from suspended animation, they are instantly alert and able to sprint to a safer part of the ship. Seriously? They later show the compression suits they were in was what allowed them to run, but inflated pants don’t work that way.

They use the centrifugal effect (actually centripetal force) to simulate gravity. One part of the ship stopped rotating. When it starts again, people in mid-air immediately fall to the floor. Physics doesn’t work that way, man! There is no reason why people in mid-air would suddenly fall like that. They would bounce off the walls and possibly the ceiling first before settling onto the floor. (The movie Passengers had the same problem, but I digress.)

While we’re at it, the ship has two rotating sections. They rotate the same way. That would make for an intense Coriolis effect, so the whole ship would rotate against its axis. It would be better if the sections rotated in opposite directions, or had one large section rotating one way, and two smaller sections rotating a different way. (Look at Ragnar Station in the premier of Battlestar Galactica. They almost got it right.)

For the more personal matters, some jerk sarcastically addresses a woman he thinks is Russian as “comrade.” What? That was a term used in the days of the Soviet Union. Why would someone a hundred years from now use it?

There is a blonde ditz who does “Valley Girl” talk. One scene implies she is showing off her naked body. Save that for soap operas. 

Two young geeky people wear geeky glasses. Why? To let us know they are geeks. I didn’t see anyone else wearing glasses.

There are three lieutenants. The other two dispute whether Lt. Garnet should be in charge, since they are all equal. Obviously they have equal rank, but they wouldn’t have equal seniority. If one of them was promoted even a day before the others, that one would be the senior officer. Lieutenants would be well aware of who is senior to whom.

Believe it or not, this is not a negative blog. Despite all the problems, I plan to continue to watch The Ark. The challenge of how they will survive is intriguing. I like Lieutenant Garnet. Also, I like Lieutenant James Brice’s (Richard Fleeshman's) Scottish accent. 

Powerless—Funniest Sitcom

Emily Locke arrives as a new director at Wayne Security in Charmed City, full of excitement and idealism about her new job. But she almost gets killed before she can arrive at work. Why? Charmed City is ground zero for fights between minor superheroes and supervillains. Emily’s train is derailed by a supervillain, and the superhero Crimson Fox saves her and the rest of the train. Emily looks like she’s going to explode with delight.

Wayne Security was founded by the distant Bruce Wayne. They try to create products to help citizens protect themselves from supervillains (and the fallout from superhero battles). Emily is raring to go with her team of experts. Unfortunately, the Charmed City division is headed by a lesser cousin, Vanderveer “Van” Wayne. He is shallow, obnoxious, stupid—everything that would make a normal person quit. But not Emily. She constantly locks horns with Van, who often doesn’t even get what the argument is about. But she usually wins—kind of.

What makes things worse for Emily are the three leading specialists she has to work with. They are technical geniuses, but normally don’t pay attention to what she says. Teddy is arguably the greatest genius, but is high strung. He is depressed for almost an entire episode. Ron is easy-going—too easy-going when a project needs to be done. Wendy is flat-out hostile to Emily, always insulting her with a smile on her face.

Jackie is Van’s deadpan personal assistant. She started out young and idealistic like Emily, so she constantly tries to discourage her. Although, she is sometimes Emily’s ally. Jackie often gets in a good one to undermine Van, without his being able to figure it out.

Everyone does a fantastic job in the show. The writing is excellent, sometimes with good workplace humor, often with zany lines that come out of nowhere. Usually the best scenes are between Emily—played by Vanessa Hudgens, known from her role in the High School Musical franchise—and Van—played by Alan Tudyk, known from his roles in Firefly and Transformers: Dark of the Moon. Vanessa Hudgens is incredible. She goes through multiple extreme facial expressions every minute.

I say that Powerless is the funniest sitcom ever. Currently on The CW.

photo by swirley18

TV Review: Moonlight

I recently rewatched the 2007 television series Moonlight. Mick St. John (Alex O'Loughlin) is a private investigator with a secret: He’s a vampire. He looks about thirty, but he’s actually eighty-five. He takes an interest in protecting Beth Turner (Sophia Myles), a reporter who really is about thirty. They work together, doing some mild breaking and entering for clues for their respective lines of work.

Beth keeps saying that Mick looks familiar, but he brushes that off. As a walking CSI lab, Mick can tell if a vampire was around a dead body, and he can smell blood from a crime scene and tell if it matches an individual’s blood sample. And he uses his incredible strength and speed to save Beth and others.

It turns out that when Beth was a child, Mick saved her after she was kidnapped by a vampire. They sure make a cute couple. I wonder if they will get together?

Mick is front and center, Beth is on the right

Moonlight is different from other television or movie series on the subject. Mick does not normally kill other vampires, nor is he an isolated individual. Instead, there is a thriving but secret vampire community in Los Angeles. Mick’s best friend is a four-hundred-year-old vampire who has lots of vampire contacts. Mick has a contact in the coroner’s office who supplies him with blood. If Mick meets another vampire, they pick up each other’s scent and say something like, “Oh, so you’re a …” This large, secret community is an interesting take.

Keep in mind this was written in the early 2000s. The characters have cell phones, but they aren’t smart. Research on the internet is by desktop computer, and it takes a while. Beth works for an internet news group, and though they have higher ratings than more established sources, it’s still viewed as a novelty.

Another interesting fact is that this was one of the last of the great American private investigator shows set in modern times, until a new batch came out fairly recently. Most crime investigation shows involve the police or CSI types, and all the government resources they have. Seeing how private enterprise does things differently is refreshing.

But what kept viewers coming back was the on-again, off-again relationship between Mick and Beth. Mick thinks he’s no good for her. Beth keeps getting more and more fascinated with him. What will happen? 

Reginald Barclay vs. the Scammers

I’ve used the name Reginald Barclay on social media. For those of you who don’t know, he was an occasional character on Star Trek: The Next Generation and Star Trek: Voyager. He was played by Dwight Schultz, an excellent actor who was known for his role in the old TV show The A-Team, and extra points if you know he did voice acting for The Animatrix, an animated companion piece to The Matrix.

I liked him as Barclay in The Next Generation because he seemed more like a real person than the main cast. He often didn’t know what to do next, or where to go next. His uncertainties contrasted with characters who always knew what to do and who would stride away purposefully at the end of a conversation.

But the people who tried to scam me really were not familiar with the character.

photo by evil_cotton

The dingbats who texted me and sent me an email addressed me as Reginald Barclay, obviously just randomly grabbing names from social media. If I call their dedicated line, they can help me get relief from my student loans by the stimulus forgiveness program.

My name is not Reginald Barclay, I do not have student loans, and anyone foolish enough to call their number will have their phone number sold to countless lists for robocalls.

Whack-a-Gnome

So the latest crisis is a shortage of garden gnomes. Supply chains in general have been stressed for the little fellows, but then the Suez Canal was blocked for six, count ‘em, six days. Great Britain felt the shortage quite keenly. Where is gnome central—the Middle East? The Indian subcontinent? Some part of what used to be called the Orient, where factory workers beat those cute hats into shape? What must they think of Western civilization?

image from satellite ESA Copernicus Sentinel-2

This, of course, brings us to fantasy. Special Unit 2 was an early form of urban fantasy on television. Detective O’Malley was played by Michael Landes. Detective Benson was played by Alexondra Lee. Together, they fought creatures of legend, such as mermen, gorgons, werewolves, and even a dragon, who threatened the human race. Their street informant was a gnome named Carl, played by Danny Woodburn. The series was quite funny and full of action, so I highly recommend it.

But to the point, O’Malley and Carl did not get along. The relevant part starts at 5:45.  (Warning: some coarse language.)

Dolly the Vampire Slayer

Or this could be called “Slay Belle.” So this is the convergence between Dolly Parton, country music star, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Dolly Parton rocketed to fame with her hit song “9 to 5,” which was the centerpiece of the 1980 movie of the same name. She became famous not only as a country singer, but as a symbol of what nowadays is called female empowerment.

Then there is Buffy the Vampire Slayer. This is the TV series that jumpstarted the subgenre knows as urban fantasy. Were there some urban fantasy novels before Buffy? Sure. But it was the Buffy series that made urban fantasy an overwhelming subgenre in novels, movies, and TV shows.

So how did that happen? It turns out Dolly Parton was an uncredited producer of the original movie Buffy the Vampire Slayer. That’s right. And Dolly’s company financed the TV series. It was Dolly Parton behind it all the time!

photo by Eva Rinaldi

But what if Dolly hadn’t done that? See my post What if Buffy had Never Been? to see how life as we know it would be different. Meanwhile, you can see every season opening for Buffy below, including the musical episode.

Then you’ll definitely want to see my post Buffy the Vinyl Slayer.

Buffy the Vinyl Slayer

Below is the Buffy action figure made out of vinyl.

How important was the TV series Buffy the Vampire Slayer? See my entry titled “What if Buffy had Never Been?” 

What if Buffy had Never Been?

Buffy the Vampire Slayer changed popular culture in more ways than one. It paved the way for the incredible dominance of urban fantasy in novels—these are the novels set in our modern times that tend to have women fighting vampires, werewolves, etc. At one point, as I was looking at the science fiction/fantasy shelves of a bookstore, a fellow walked by and complained about the lack of science fiction. “It’s all vampires now!” Although urban fantasy is currently shrinking, it’s still an established part of such bookshelves.

Those who are not into such novels would have noticed the uptick in TV shows set in contemporary times featuring vampires, werewolves, etc. They must have wondered what was going on!

Buffy also changed pop culture in another way. Their musical episode “Once More, with Feeling” was so successful, other TV series went on to have special musical episodes. I find the song “Walk through the Fire” to be one of the greatest popular songs ever written. It’s copyright, so I can’t show you it on this blog, but I’m sure you can find it. That soundtrack is definitely worth owning.

But what if Buffy had never been?

I’m talking about a slightly alternate universe. Many people wonder why Buffy wasn’t that successful in its first season (actually only a half-season in length). Why? It was up against Ally McBeal.

For those of you who don’t know, Ally McBeal had a very different portrayal of the feminine. It featured Ally literally swooning over men she met, and it dominated among young female viewers. As I watched the first season of Buffy and saw how fantastic it was, I knew that many young women who should have been watching it were wasting their time watching Ally McBeal. I was quite concerned Buffy wouldn’t make it.

But for its second season, Buffy was no longer on against Ally McBeal, and the rest is history. But what if Buffy had been cancelled?

Urban fantasy would not have dominated the bookshelves. TV shows with contemporary vampires and werewolves would have been far fewer. Even the movie scene would have changed, since I don’t believe the Twilight series would have been such a raging success without Buffy paving the way. I know that Ally McBeal had its share of musical numbers, but without the success of the Buffy musical, other TV series would not have dared to write entire episodes as musicals.

Joss Whedon, who was the driving force behind Buffy, is now directing The Avengers movies, which are changing expectations for movie blockbusters. But without the culture-changing success of Buffy, he would have just been some guy who felt sorry for the blondes who got killed in horror movies.

So instead of pop culture featuring variations of Buffy kicking a vampire’s head in, it would have been dominated by stick-figured women swooning over the men they liked. Now, isn’t that a nasty alternate universe?  

Network Supervillains Win: Powerless Gets Cancelled

(Apologies to my non-American readers for this rant.)

I’m angry. My favorite television show got cancelled. Powerless told the story of the team at Wayne Security who worked around the clock and goofed off around the clock, developing protective gear for innocent bystanders of superhero battles.

Afraid of getting hit by bricks during one of those aforementioned battles? You need their brickproof umbrellas—which cascades bricks to the side, meaning they can sell more umbrellas. Or afraid of getting scorched by a ball of flame? You need their fireproof poncho, and they may or may not get a superheroine to pose naked in the ad before she dons it. (Poncho does not protect against rain.)

The series mainly focuses on office humor. The minor superheroes they encounter are actually off to the side. Emily, played by Vanessa Hudgens, has frustrating misadventures as she tries to bond with team members, save a good invention, or break her way into the good ol’ boy club that makes up the board. Her sunny smile, her awkwardly fading smile, and her wickedly triumphant smile just about carry the show.

Her incompetent boss, Van Wayne (a cousin of you-know-who), played by Alan Tudyk, often steals the scene with his vapid stupidity. His blunders, as well as the egos of the team members, can ruin Emily’s best-laid plans.

So, what happened? Their premier episode was funny, their second episode was outstandingly funny, and their third episode was okay. That may have let their ratings go down. Also, they were put on against Supernatural, which claimed part of their demographic. (This is like how Buffy the Vampire Slayer almost didn’t make it at first, because it was put on against Ally McBeal, which ruled among young females.) Then NBC preempted two of their episodes to premier some other comedy that wasn’t funny, which makes the audience forget to tune in again.

The rest of the show continued to be funny. It was the highlight of my Thursday evenings. But the morons at NBC cancelled it. If you’re able to access it through Comcast or Xfinity or whatever, hurry and record the available episodes of Powerless before they go away. 

Review of BrainDead

A lot of the creative talent for movies has gone into television in recent years, so I’ll start a new category of reviews: TV series. (If I ever get Wi-Fi, I’ll have to change the name.)

So a delightful new show is BrainDead, starring Mary Elizabeth Winstead and Tony Shalhoub. This was my favorite premier since the Battlestar Galactica mini-series in 2003. Mary Elizabeth Winstead plays Laurel Healey, a new congressional aide who has to learn fast the cynical ways of politics in the employ of her brother, Senator Healy. With an offer from Gareth (Aaron Tveit), an aide from the other side of the aisle, she has to run through Washington, D.C. to try to prevent a government shutdown.

She doesn’t succeed, because her side wants the government to shut down so they can blame the other side. A lot of whimsy that feels authentic goes into this, and the political humor is at the forefront, so the alien takeover of some people’s minds is more on the back burner.

Yes, a multitude of aliens in the form of tiny bugs are in town. They go into the human ear, like what happened to poor Chekhov in Star Trek II, and the people become strangely creepy, like in Invasion of the Body Snatchers.

The funny thing is, Luke’s boss Senator Wheatus (Tony Shalhoub) becomes more efficient at cutthroat politics. He goes from a drunk who longs for a masseuse to being a glad-handing dealmaker who upturns Washington. This is bad for Gareth, since it makes Laurel think he’s a backstabber.

What Senator Wheatus done is normal, but you should see the evil look that Tony Shalhoub puts on his face as he does the scene. If you’ve never seen evil Tony Shalhoub before, you’re in for a treat.

Mary Elizabeth Winstead is the center of the show, and her face is fascinating to watch, whether she’s showing anxiety, bewilderment, concern, or whatever she’s feeling towards Luke.

BrainDead is on CBS on Monday nights at 10:00 pm. (Or you can figure out some way to catch up online.) The creators are Michelle King and Robert King, and the executive producer is Ridley Scott. Yes, the Ridley Scott of Alien.

As delightful as this premier was, there were some political mistakes. If political details make your eyes glaze over, of if you don’t like spoilers, do not press the Read More button.